It’s so good to be back! In the last 60 days I’ve almost died, been on vacation, helped my sister moved to NYC, and of course written some really strange music. The primary reason I hesitated in publishing this post is because it’s pretty personal and it does’t have
anything to do directly with my music. It’s about something that happened to me that excited me, perplexed me, and most importantly inspired me, and scared the shit out of me all at the same time. Why am I posting it? I have no idea. but it can’t be as weird of some of the things I’ve read on the world wide web…
February 14th marks the beginning of this craziness. I’d been running a fever of over 102 degrees for damn near a week. I’m a pretty smart guy but unfortunately I’m not smart enough to know that a healthy adult human male could die from running a fever that long. Sure enough on Valentine’s day around noon, I call up my hot date and cancel our plans, much to her dismay. two hours later I had an experience that would put me in the hospital for almost two weeks. No kidding, I almost died! for the people that no me that is neither a small achievement or a strange circumstance. Which reminds me I must I declare I will not be having any more near death experience until I’m 200yrs old. So back to the kiss of Lady Death… I’m standing in the kitchen and I feel a little dizzy. Who knew making a bowl of Campbell’s soup could be an adventure. I figure I’ll finish up, head up to my room, eat some soup and play some piano. I overcame a slowly escalating dizziness to get up the stairs and put my burning hot soup on the mantle piece in my bedroom. I suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of vertigo. My senses were surprisingly heightened and when i say surprisingly I mean I felt like i was superhuman.
If it wasn’t for the pain and everything that happened after, I’d love to do it again actually. Let me describe this in detail; I literally could hear the conversations of small children laughing and playing while walking home from school three stories down with my windows closed. At first I thought it was my imagination or that it was a strange static, but static doesn’t laugh and it certainly doesn’t ask Latisha for some gum in the tiny high pitched plea of a super hyper 6 year old girl’s voice. I began to realize my brain was firing on all cylinders in a spectacular kind of way. My curiosity and awe gave me focus beyond the vertigo, pain, and throbbing, feverish headache enough to be extremely present to what was happening in this particular moment. The vertigo itself seemed to take on a persona and became even more intense like it wanted something from me. All of a sudden my entire body felt super heavy. I knelt down on one knee because I felt as though I was going to fall down if I didn’t get down and I looked out the window. Just then, a few feet past the third of the 10 foot windows that line the front of my room, I could see the individual spaces in the screen and a bird flying by as if it were in slow motion. I could not only see the individual feathers and the crackly lines in it’s feet, I could see my own reflection upside down in its eye. right then the bird, the children’s voices, the vertigo all suddenly felt like a warning. I looked down with concern and saw the individual singularity of the threading of the carpet! This was absolutely wild! Suddenly, I realized that I had been so fascinated in the forever of the last 30 seconds that I hadn’t taken the thought to recognize something was wrong. I felt like I was out of time and OUTSIDE of time. My head was throbbing, my heart was pounding and my fingertips were wet with my own sweat. Something was terribly wrong. I reached for my phone which seemed right next to me but was eight feet away and laughed at the silliness of the effort itself. I closed my eyes and opened them. I felt warm and my head didn’t hurt anymore. I felt as calm as a pond and in my minds eye I could see the faces of my family, I could feel their love, and I understood how much they meant to me. I smiled to myself said out loud as though I was having a conversation with myself quite matter of factly, “I think I’m dying” I paused and laughed once,” Well if this is death, it isn’t so bad, I hope my clones grow up ok.”
Right at that moment a brilliant splash of color and then bright light took over my entire spectrum of vision. I couldn’t see anything but bright light, the vertigo won it’s three minute war with my equilibrium and then everything went black.
I woke up on my bedroom floor minutes or hours later covered in sweat. I laughed. Painfully. Gladly. “I’m alive,” I said to myself calmly, “Wow.” I tried to move but I couldn’t and panicked a bit.”I’m alive but i’m paralyzed. Shit that kinda sucks.” I closed my eyes and slept for an unknown period of time longer. When I woke, I could move but barely, and my entire body hurt. With great effort, I pulled myself up into my bed and grabbed my phone. The battery was dead, “Thanks Samsung”. I reached for the plug and passed out. I woke up 13 hours later hungry, sweaty, and alive. Damn, I was happy I’d made it to the other end of that experience. I could hear birds chirping and horns in traffic down the street, I could smell all kinds of weird things and I was happy as the kid who got gum from Latisha while my synapses were firing like rockets the day prior. I got up and ate the most delicious bowl of cold chicken noodle soup I think I’ve ever had. It tasted funny, kind of sweet, I believe it was because my brain wasn’t quite acting right, then got dressed and took the shuttle to the hospital. I probably should have taken an ambulance, but my decision to forgo visiting the hospital days earlier had already proven that my decision making skills were severely degraded that particular week. Besides it was beautiful outside and I needed to make sure I was alive (I still wasn’t sure I wasn’t a spectre of my former self). I took a sigh of relief as the 1 year old next door “J”, waved like a maniac as I walked out onto the porch. Cute kid.
After the initial evaluations and vital signs and temperature taking and all the other bad things that were going on with my body, the nurse couldn’t understand for the life of her why I was so excited. I said to her, “I thought I was going to die last night, and here I am talking to you, that fucking rocks.” Then proceeded to vomit. I guess I shouldn’t have eaten cold day old soup but you know, we already talked about my decision making for that week.
A group of very talented Veteran Administration doctors and neurologists determined that I’d had a seizure caused by prolonged high fever and extreme dehydration. Over the course of a couple weeks, they ran about 20 thousand dollars worth of tests on me, prescribed some meds and told me to get plenty of rest and drink tons of water and juice.
I’d like to thank a very special someone for visiting me in the hospital and bringing me food through this ordeal. You not only look like an angel, you act like one. You know who you are.
Now that I’m 80%, I’m back in the studio working on some even more spaced out interstellar ideas. To my friends and family I love you, you’re awesome.
I’m glad I put that hot soup down. Follow the light…